the best year yet..

25 has been the best year yet.

The day after my birthday someone had said to me that 25 would be a good year. I honestly thought sure.. I already felt I had my life in order. I have a good job, I am a home owner, and I was starting to get a pretty good routine with my fitness and nutrition.

Shortly after this conversation, I had a mindset change, completely unrelated to that conversation, it was just something I had decided was necessary.

So I began to exhibit and exude a positive energy.

Eliminate those that were negatively impacting my life and bringing me down.

I began to attract positive people into my life and make choices that impacted me positively as well.

This doesn’t mean I am perfect, I still make mistakes, sometimes I am sad or angry, but for the most part I have turned my mindset almost an entire 180.

And I must admit, that person was right. 25 has been a really good year. The best year.

I finally know who I am, and the person I want to be. I go after what I want and I let nothing hold me back.  I allow myself to love, be honest, and connect with people and again I do not hold back. I am not ashamed to share my thoughts or feelings and I own all my thoughts and feelings.

I have progressed in my career, and I have progressed personally. I have so much to look forward to and so much to embrace over the next 18 months.

More than this, I fully intend to continue to strive to be more successful. There are so many more dreams that I want to chase and goals to crush.

“I want to go on a road trip someday. Alone or with someone I love…” I want to chase my dreams, chase the sun and watch the clouds. I want to listen to my favourite albums, sing along to my favourite lyrics and dance freely. I want to meet new people. I want to love new people. I want to connect with the world, with the places I go and with the people around me. I want to make memories with myself and make memories with those I meet along the way. “I want to feel alive..”

I am so excited for future years, because I truly believe that with positive thinking that good karma will come around and I will continue to see personal growth and continue to reach my goals.

I hope that I will find others that want to join me on my journey and are willing to embrace me and themselves. Together we can create new memories, go on adventures and fulfill our greatest dreams.

xoxo,

to the best year yet.

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your flaws are perfect..

I read a quote today, “Your flaws are perfect for the heart that is meant to love you.”

This can be applied much beyond your “significant other” that does or will love you. This should be applied to all of those in your life.

We are all made up flaws, and perfection. We all hold traits that are viewed as perfect to others, and traits that may be viewed as completely imperfect.

It is when our imperfections draw people in that reveals those that truly love us.

When I think about those that matter most to me, as much as they may drive me crazy, confuse me, irritate me and at times make me want to scream, I love them. I unconditionally, and undoubtedly LOVE them.

I would go to the end of the earth for them and even when they make a mess of my kitchen and leave dishes unwashed, I cannot help but love them to pieces.

I have come to the realization of a couple things on my journey to living a happier and healthier life.

The first is that I do not want people in my life if they cannot accept that I am not perfect. Sometimes I am annoying, sometimes I make mistakes. But I will love you wholeheartedly and I would go to the end of the earth for you if you are a part of my tribe. If I am speaking honestly, I quite possibly would, even if you are not.

Secondly, once I stopped focusing on my imperfections and over thinking every word and action I made, I started to love myself. I started to embrace my flaws and set positive goals. I then started recognizing the triumphs and my progress started become much more evident.

I realized that my flaws are perfect. They are a part of who I am. There are many things about me that are imperfect. But I am loving, caring, honest, and always ready to embrace others. Most of all, I am willing to accept others flaws and not judge others for their imperfections, but see them as unique characteristics of that individual.

It’s not always easy, I have bad days that I cannot help but notice my flaws, but most days I embrace them and move forward.

You should to.

Because your flaws are perfect. Because your flaws make you, you. Because your flaws will attract the people that will love you unconditionally.

xoxo,

to being flawsome.

having a big heart

I read an article today. It was titled “Don’t Apologize for Having a Big Heart.”

It really got me thinking, because I sincerely related to this article.

It spoke of being affected and attached to people. It spoke of falling without holding back.

When I care about someone, I ALWAYS do this.

Maybe I am falling for you as a friend, a lover, a mentor, a mentee. Whatever it may be, I always fall hard. I am affected by all around me, even those I do not “fall” for, I do still get attached.

I will not apologize for this and neither should you.

Having a big heart, a heart of gold, is what makes you who you are.

You are a wonderful person and there is no reason to change who you are.

Some people may get overwhelmed by your attachment or quick commitment to the relationship you share (whatever that may be).

Just because they get overwhelmed does not mean you should apologize for this.

Some people may put a wall up when you start to connect to them. This is because they are scared of the connection, not because there is anything wrong with you. Help them become comfortable with the connection by being proud of the person you are and loving even more.

Those of us with big hearts do not love everyone, but the ones we do love, we love hard and we value them.

Having a big heart means we are in touch with our emotions, we know how to relate and connect to others. We know when to embrace and hold back. We know when to sympathize. We know when to advise or listen. We just know what they need because we have allowed ourselves to connect deeply.

Most of all we know how to protect. We protect the people in our lives. We shelter them and let them fall around us whenever they may need to. The people in our lives know they can lean on us, confide in us and no matter what we will not judge and will continue to love them.

So please, never apologize for having a big heart. Understand that for some this may be difficult to accept. Some people cannot share and spread their emotions and love as easily, but that does not mean we are wrong in doing so.

Always love BIG, DEEPLY and without EXPECTATION.

xoxo,

to those of us with big hearts.

time doesn’t heal everything..

Despite what we are told, time does not heal everything.

That doesn’t mean this is a negative statement. In fact, for me, this is positive.

Time has not healed the hurt I experienced, but time has taught me to embrace it.

We all encounter traumatic events in our lives. What is traumatic for me, may not be traumatic for you. But, we all face traumatic events, this I am sure of.

We have events that challenge us, make us question our beliefs and morals, make us question our strength. Time may not heal all hurt, but it does make us stronger.

With time, we learn to live through the pain.

With time, we learn how to move forward despite the days we want to so badly give up.

With time, we learn how to grow stronger.

No matter how many minutes, hours, days, years have passed, I have never stopped hurting. But I have learned how to take that pain and create positive energy from it.

I have learned how to take the pain and use it to build up others and push myself to be better despite it.

I have learned to hide the pain, not always, but most days. I have learned to forget about my pain and help others with theirs. I have learned how to turn my pain into strength.

I never realized how strong I was until I had to wake up, live life, and move forward despite the deep desire to stay hidden in my room.

I also never realized how strong I was until I loved others deeply despite my fear of experiencing the heartache from one single day. To be able to love when you know how it feels to have not only your world, but your heart shattered is true strength.

Realizing my strength and being proud of it has been a difficult journey. A difficult journey that I am so proud of how much I have overcome. It has not been an easy journey but it has been amazing and I have realized both my strengths and weaknesses.

True strength can only be realized when we identify our weaknesses.

But, time does not always heal. I still hurt. I still wonder. I still cry.

I will never stop hurting, wondering or crying. But, I will draw from all of this and push forward.

I will push forward and push those around me to move forward as well.

Because time does not always heal but it does build strength.

xoxo,

to being stronger.

life is about…

This will be different for each of us.

BUT.. the actual conclusion of what “Life is about..” should result in the same thoughts for us all.

Life is about doing the things that make us happy, make the people we love happy, and push us to our limits.

For me life is about “trusting my feelings, taking risks, losing and finding happiness, appreciating the memories, learning from the past, and realizing people change.”

I saw this quote and all I could think about was how true this was to me.

Over the past year, I have learned to trust my feelings. I will feel and love on my own accord. No one will influence this. I will love you because I choose to love you, I will dislike you because I choose to dislike you. No one will influence these feelings. I will share these feelings. I will express how I feel, and I will not be ashamed of my feelings, I will trust them and trust my instincts in who to trust and who to hold at arms length.

WILL take risks. I will say yes when I am scared, and I will step out of my comfort zone. I will push myself to be better and I will do things that may not always be easy, but will be necessary. I will make mistakes, and I will own those mistakes. I WILL do things that are scary and out of the norm to challenge myself and be the best me I can be.

Sometimes I will find happiness, sometimes I will lose it. I will not be afraid to lose happiness. I will reach out, I will try to connect and I will make choices that will add to my happiness.

Appreciate the memories.. I will try, yes TRY to appreciate the memories and stop dwelling on the pain.

The pain… Such a difficult thing to let go. I will focus on the good times, the memories that have made me the person I am today and appreciate that all I have experienced. All I have discovered, all the laughs, heartaches, tears, that make me who I am and I will appreciate this.

PROMISE to  learn from my mistakes. I will admit when I make mistakes, correct the action and be better next time. Mistakes will be made, and learning from them shows your integrity and commitment to being the best you can be.

People change, and that is okay. I will still love and support you. If I did not love you, I will open my heart to you. Sometimes people make mistakes, sometimes they come back better than ever. I will be ready to accept each and every person with open arms because people can change. But, you must want to change for you. Never change for anyone else.

But really, what is life about… Life is about connecting. Life is about loving. Life is about experiencing.

So connect with amazing people.

Love every soul that touches and impacts your life.

Experience all the amazing places, people and emotions out there.

Most of all be open to anything, anyone and everything in between.

XOXO,

filling my life with love, life and adventures.

so what, i’m sensitive.

I am highly sensitive.

I feel deeply. I overthink sometimes, okay a lot of the time. I love hard. I am emotional. I feel every word, every action and all the energy that surrounds me.

At one point in my life, I was ashamed of this.

I was ashamed, that a song, book, conversation could touch my heart in such a way that would bring tears to my eyes. In a way that would make my heart smile, ache, give me goosebumps.  I was ashamed that I felt so deeply for things that others did not.

But now I embrace this.

I stand strong and proud of the sensitive being I am.

It allows me to love deeply. To love all those important in my life, deeply.

If you enter my life, if you let me in, I promise to love and care for you. To be there to listen, to empathize or sympathize with you. To offer advice, or guide you to those who can give you the best advice. I promise to support you.

Being sensitive allows me to open my heart to those who need it most. I may not always have the answer, I may not always know the right things to say, but I will try my hardest to be there for you. To hold you when you need to be held and to give you space when you need space.

I am honest.

As a sensitive person I am honest, sometimes too honest. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I offer my true thoughts. I do not hide how I am feeling. If you ask for my opinion, I give it. Because I truly believe that being honest is the best way to show someone they can trust you. To show a person they can turn to you and you will tell them what they need to hear whether that may be good or bad.

I notice too much. I feel too intensely. I pay attention to all that is around me. I pick up on cues that most hope will go unnoticed and others choose to ignore.

I apologize. Second guess. Question.

I never stop doing the above three things.

Because while I will not apologize for who I am, I do understand that this can be overwhelming for others. I will ask too many questions, apologize a thousand times and second guess that thought I shared with you. I do all this because I am aware of the emotions and behaviours of others. I am aware that while I may want a response to these, others do not, they do not need a response or understand the need for one.

Being sensitive means that I understand I am not perfect, I understand others will not get it.

But it also means that I will love you with every ounce of my being. I would do anything for those I care about.

It means that I have a heart of gold.

I will love hard, dream wide and experience deeply. Being sensitive means I am strong.

It means that I am willing to give you my heart and accept that I will not receive yours in return. Being sensitive means I am okay with this.

Never be ashamed of being sensitive. Be PROUD. You are strong, you are willing to love, to care, to let in people who may not even know you exist.

This shows your true colours. It shows the world the wonderful human being you are. You are special. There are few of you out there, and you are still willing to be you and love strangers because your soul will not allow any different.

Embrace this amazing trait and strive to shine and expose this to all.

Being sensitive doesn’t mean you are weak. It doesn’t mean you are damaged. It means you love intensely, think deeply and embrace the touchy-feely that most repulse.

Above all, be proud of who you. Whether you are sensitive or “anti”- sensitive. Be proud of the person you are and accept those that are DIFFERENT then you. It takes all kinds to make this world the place it is. We must accept and embrace each other.

And last, but not least, never forget to love. Sensitive or not, always love.

XOXO,

wearing my heart on my sleeve.

a new me

I was sitting quietly on the couch this morning. Just on my own, reading and listening to music.

Relaxing.

Needing nothing except my tea, a good book and some quiet acoustic covers playing in the background.

In doing this I began to think, REALLY THINK about the difference in the person I am from a year ago.

A year ago, I would have needed technology going, my next plans in motion, maybe a little chaos. But today I didn’t really need anything. I just needed me.

This is HUGE progress for me. To know that I have found the independence I deeply needed is so empowering.

Don’t get me wrong I like to keep busy, I like having a million and one things to do. I enjoy spending time with people. I enjoy having goals and plans to reach those goals. But I realized today, all I need to obtain those things is myself. I can do all of these things on my own time. The timelines and goals, and plans are all set because of ME. Because I choose to set them.

A year ago I relied on others to guide me, set goals, tell me where I was headed next. Knowing now that I am the one making all these decisions, that I rely on NO ONE to make those choices for me is so revitalizing and I am so PROUD of the direction I am headed, and where I came from.

Having the ability to be calm and relaxed in taking a day to sit back and enjoy the “little things” without worrying about what anyone else thinks I should be doing, without worrying about what I “should” be doing is an amazing feeling.

I’ve never before realized the importance of taking care of ourselves. I’ve never realized that it is so important to be selfish sometimes and create a better you, focus on your physical and mental health. It is important to put YOURSELF first sometimes. That doesn’t mean you stop caring about others, or that you stop making sacrifices (within reason) for the people you care about. But it does mean that you consider yourself sometimes.

Realize that you cannot be happy if you are always sacrificing what is important to you to satisfy those around you. In the end if you are not happy, you cannot give your all for the people you love. If those people love you, they will want to see you making choices that will allow you to live the happiest and fullest life possible.

Ask yourself this, would you want someone else to sacrifice their happiness for you? Would that make you happy? Of course it wouldn’t. So do you really think they want your happiness compromised?

You are important, never forget this.

I am so grateful to be in a place that I am happy and comfortable to sit by myself, with my own thoughts, on my own time to just focus on me. I am so grateful to have grown to a point in my life that I am content in doing this and that I really don’t need anything else in this moment. Only a yummy cup of tea. A good book. And maybe a cozy blanket.

I hope you all find peace in enjoying some relaxing moments, ON YOUR OWN this wintery Saturday, because we all deserve a few moments to ourselves.

XOXO,

a new me.

Don’t Stop.

Over the past couple weeks I’ve been struggling with what to write. But then I realized I should write about something that I feel passionate about and have been dealing with personally because that will be the most meaningful.

When ever you make a change in your life people will either follow you, disregard it, or judge you. It’s really that simple. I struggled in the beginning of my journey with the judgement, not so much because I cared what they thought, but because I am an awful over-thinker and would question the choices I was making.

Eventually I realized it doesn’t matter what they think. I am making choices that both make me happy and are for my best benefit, so if they do not agree with my choices then who cares, they are MY choices NOT their choices.

I also had to come to terms that often judgement and ridicule come from jealousy. Not necessarily jealousy of me, trust me I’m not conceited enough to think that, but jealousy that I am taking charge of my life and making the choices that make me happy which is not an easy thing for anyone to do.

Knowing this, it is easier to ignore. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt sometimes when I am being judged or treated differently simply because I am trying to be the best me and be the best to EVERYONE around me. But it does mean that I stand tall and I don’t let those people change the way I treat others or change the way I live my life.

Which brings me to a quote I recently came across that resonated deep within me  “If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint’, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” – Vincent van Gogh

As much as I hate to admit, or even acknowledge, there will be people you encounter in your life that will simply tell you, you cannot do something because they do not want to see you succeed. This makes me so sad, because we should always be happy for the success of others. Not only does it make you feel better inside, but it makes those around you feel good as well. And I don’t know about you, but for me, seeing others happy makes me so very happy in return and fills my heart with an immense amount of warmth.

I have recently encountered a few times where this has affected me over the past little while, I am human. There are days I cannot look past it. But, I am letting the negative vibes and words of others affect me less and less with each day, which is a huge step and a step we should all be taking.

So I want to leave you all with these words, DON’T STOP! Simple right? But there is a lot of meaning there. It is easy to stop working hard when others are discouraging you and getting you down. But why would you want to overcome anything easy? All the greatest accomplishments are from hard work, determination and persistence. Not only that but after you have put forth those efforts, the results are worth so much more.

So let the haters hate, and the negative Nancy’s judge you, because they will always be out there. There are tons of  other people that are motivational, inspirational and supportive to help you ignore the negative ones, so remember those people during discouraging times.

I will always support those trying to be their best selves, especially those that support others. So if nothing else, you have me standing behind you cheering you on and encouraging you through every challenge and dream you wish to conquer.

So again, DON’T STOP, push forward and live the life you both want and deserve.

XOXO,

always supportive.

 

support

the strength behind you

I was recently inspired by a few individuals that opened my mind to what is truly important in life.

Belief in yourself. Have confidence in who you are. Channel the ability to see your strength, and growth.

This not only inspired me to be more confident in myself and proud of who I am, but also how important it is to surround yourself with those who lift you up.

Surround yourself with the people who are proud of you, the people that believe in you, and the people that show you all that you are capable of.

It is sometimes hard to see the greatness in ourselves. We are often our own worse critics. Surrounding ourselves with people who show us our strengths, helps us to see our weaknesses and guide us in becoming the best we can. It can be the difference in how successful we become. It can be the difference in our happiness within.

It may seem trivial, but the people we let in and those we keep out can really change our lives.

I let a few people in recently that I never even thought to. I am sure they do not realize the impact they have made in my life since doing so. The influence they made, and the changes I have made personally in just a few short weeks is all because of one late night and a night without boundaries in discussions.

Take this for what it is – a simple, short post, but meaningful. 

Keep your heart open to those around you. You never know who may influence you, impact your life or guide you to be your best self. 

There are so many beautiful people out there, willing to guide you and assist you through the challenges and speed bumps you hit along the way.
Let them in! Don’t make the same mistakes I did by avoiding people and closing my heart to so many beautiful souls.

We are here to guide and support each other. So while you are helping others, let them help you as well!

Remember strength comes from within, but having support along the way is an amazing and wonderful thing.

XOXO,

to new relationships surround-yourself

Strength. 

We are approaching 10 years of the day that changed my life.

The day that changed the way I look at life, the day that made me question the way I look at everything, the day that turned my life upside down.

I wouldn’t wish the pain I experienced that day on anyone.

But I also wouldn’t take that day away.

I know, contradictory. But the most painful day of my life has also made me who I am today and we have to embrace both the most amazing and most difficult times in order to discover and grow to be the individuals we are.

On May 1st, 2007 my grandmother passed away.

I remember every detail of this day.

From coming home from school and putting on Dr. Phil, the smell of bacon and breakfast sausages cooking for dinner that night, to the sound of the car door closing before one of the most traumatic moments of my life.

I remember hearing the car door close, waking me and my first thought being to wake up Nanny now that Grandad was home.

I remember looking at her and just knowing. Yet I still shook her for a few seconds before running to the phone to dial 911.

The craziest part is that I remember all these little details. The sounds. The feeling in my chest. Looking at my Nanny. But all I remember of the phone call was telling the operator that we needed an ambulance here right now. Then I remember going to the basement and crying and then it’s all kind of a blur.

I went to school the next day. I didn’t tell anyone about what happened, I just went on with the day. That was easier then dealing with the pain of knowing I would never talk to her again. We would never laugh together again. We would never talk about the life that was ahead of me. She was just gone. One minute we were laying around watching Dr. Phil and the next she was gone forever.

That is such a difficult thought to process.

More than that, I can’t help but feel as though I am to blame for this all. What if I just hadn’t fallen asleep on the couch? What if I had of been alert and noticed she lost consciousness? Would it have made a difference?

Everyone says it wouldn’t have. But we really will never know.

Everyone tells me how lucky I was to spend the last moments of her life with her. But I don’t feel lucky. I feel responsible. I feel as though it is because of me that she is not with us today.

I don’t know if this feeling will ever go away. I don’t know if I will ever forgive myself.

But what I do know is that this moment has made me who I am today.

While I sometimes make mistakes, question my worth in this world, I am grateful to be here. I recognize how strong I am for continuing on despite the constant pain I feel from that day, despite the fact that I constantly question if I deserve the happiness in my life.

Because I have pushed myself to get past that day, I have found the strength to push forward, I know that I have taken this moment and made the best out of it that I can.

Will I ever forgive myself? Probably not. But will I get stronger every day trying to? ABSOLUTELY.

That’s really what these difficult experiences are about. Moving forward, gaining strength and trying to be the best me despite the challenges and difficulties I may face.

This post wasn’t easy but it was necessary. It is so hard for me to speak of that day. But it is something that I need to do. I have never really expressed how I feel of this day  or truly dealt with the emotions of what happened almost 10 years ago. But slowly I will and hopefully it will help me come to terms with that daunting day.

XOXO,

Slightly Damaged.

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