Strength.

We are approaching 10 years of the day that changed my life.

The day that changed the way I look at life, the day that made me question the way I look at everything, the day that turned my life upside down.

I wouldn’t wish the pain I experienced that day on anyone.

But I also wouldn’t take that day away.

I know, contradictory. But the most painful day of my life has also made me who I am today and we have to embrace both the most amazing and most difficult times in order to discover and grow to be the individuals we are.

On May 1st, 2007 my grandmother passed away.

I remember every detail of this day.

From coming home from school and putting on Dr. Phil, the smell of bacon and breakfast sausages cooking for dinner that night, to the sound of the car door closing before one of the most traumatic moments of my life.

I remember hearing the car door close, waking me and my first thought being to wake up Nanny now that Grandad was home.

I remember looking at her and just knowing. Yet I still shook her for a few seconds before running to the phone to dial 911.

The craziest part is that I remember all these little details. The sounds. The feeling in my chest. Looking at my Nanny. But all I remember of the phone call was telling the operator that we needed an ambulance here right now. Then I remember going to the basement and crying and then it’s all kind of a blur.

I went to school the next day. I didn’t tell anyone about what happened, I just went on with the day. That was easier then dealing with the pain of knowing I would never talk to her again. We would never laugh together again. We would never talk about the life that was ahead of me. She was just gone. One minute we were laying around watching Dr. Phil and the next she was gone forever.

That is such a difficult thought to process.

More than that, I can’t help but feel as though I am to blame for this all. What if I just hadn’t fallen asleep on the couch? What if I had of been alert and noticed she lost consciousness? Would it have made a difference?

Everyone says it wouldn’t have. But we really will never know.

Everyone tells me how lucky I was to spend the last moments of her life with her. But I don’t feel lucky, I feel responsible. I feel as though it is because of me that she is not with us today.

I don’t know if this feeling will ever go away. I don’t know if I will ever forgive myself.

But, what I do know, is that this moment has made me who I am today.

While I sometimes make mistakes, question my worth in this world, I am grateful to be here. I recognize how strong I am for continuing on despite the constant pain I feel from that day, despite the fact that I constantly question if I deserve the happiness in my life.

Because I have pushed myself to get past that day, I have found the strength to push forward, I know that I have taken this moment and made the best out of it that I can.

Will I ever forgive myself? Probably not. But will I get stronger every day trying to? ABSOLUTELY.

That’s really what these difficult experiences are about. Moving forward, gaining strength and trying to be the best me despite the challenges and difficulties I may face.

This post wasn’t easy but it was necessary. It is so hard for me to speak of that day. But it is something that I need to do. I have never really expressed how I feel of this day  or truly dealt with the emotions of what happened almost 10 years ago. But slowly I will and hopefully it will help me come to terms with that daunting day.

XOXO,

Slightly Damaged.

 

Always be you.

Recently I have become addicted to personal development. A piece that was missing from my life.

In watching a video tonight for my personal development I was inspired by this thought, “Always be you.” the video was in no way about being you, it was about mentoring but it brought me to this.

I watched Josh Coats video Intentional Mentoring. It focused on intentionally going out there and mentoring people, to be purposeful with your mentoring.

This really had me thinking beyond this.

Recently (just over a week ago), I decided to jump in and start my part-time journey as a Beachbody coach. This was scary for me because I now need to really put myself out there and with this there will be judgment. In fact in this short amount of time I can see and feel the judgment.

Guess what? That is okay. I do not need you to be okay with what I am doing. I do not need your acceptance.

The only thing that is important to me is helping and inspiring people to accomplish their goals, to help others on their journeys. I believe they too will help me become a better person.

This is where the video came into play for me.

Mentoring is such an important part of life.

I intentionally mentor professionally, so now I want to intentionally mentor personally. I want to find people that I can lead to bigger and better things. People I can guide mentally, emotionally, and throughout their journeys to be healthier.

With mentoring I want to show people to always be you. I want to show people that no matter what judgments they may face, what challenges are presented, there will always be people that accept who you are and cheer for your accomplishments.

In order to be truly happy, you must never compromise who you are! There are thousands of people out there that will love you for exactly who you are, so stop stressing about the few that don’t.

You were born into this world as the amazing individual you are. You were meant to be you, that was intentional. Do not compromise your beliefs, everything you love and your dreams for anyone.

I may not always believe in the same things as another person, we may not have the same interests and our dreams may differ, but I will not judge you. I will always support those that are doing all they can to be themselves.

Together we need to be proud of those working hard to be their own person, those who are not conforming to the norm because it’s easy. So let’s make a pact to intentionally mentor each other. To intentionally guide and support each other to “Always Be You”.

XOXO,

Always me

Why Not?

If you tell me no one has ever said “Why Not?” to you I won’t believe you.

Do you have dreams, goals, ambitions?

I am sure you do. Maybe you don’t currently have any goals. But, I know you have dreams, we all do.

Those thoughts that come up when you are sitting at your desk on a gloomy winter day, you haven’t seen the sun in days, when you’re feeling worn and dreary, those are your dreams.

Take those dreams and turn them into goals. Because, why not?

I can almost bet that one of the reasons you are yet to go after your goals is because of fear. It is okay to be scared. It is okay to be terrified to take that first leap. But it is not okay to not go after your goals because of fear.

You need to channel that fear and turn it into motivation. Push yourself past your limits. You are worth pushing past your limits, because you deserve the utmost best out of life.

Fear can take over your life. But do you know what is scarier then taking the risks, leaps and bounds it takes to accomplish everything you want out of life? Whats scarier is to live in the shadows and miss out on possibly the best, most amazing experiences available to you.

So again, I ask you Why Not?

Why not travel across the world with only a backpack? Why not take an exciting course on a subject just because? Why not invest in a new endeavor? Why not do everything you always dreamed of?

There is really no good reason for this.

Do not use the excuse of money, or time. If you really want something you will find a way to get it. If it is important to you, you will find the time, you will budget the money, you will make it work.

Now what’s even more important to ask yourself is, “Is it important?”

If it is really important to you, you will get past those “why not’s” and you will jump in. I know you will. Because you are capable of amazing things.

Together lets take the leaps, jump into the unknown and go after our dreams.

Because our lives are precious, and they are worth living to the fullest. Never stop living life to the fullest. Do not regret one second of the life you live, you only get one chance.

XOXO,

To being fearless.

Embrace your life.

Over the past year I hit many speed bumps, there were accomplishments, failures, major changes and big decisions. The year was emotional, unpredictable and made me realize I needed to take charge of my life.

After I came to this realization, my mindset completely changed. I decided to make changes, take risks and go after the things I wanted in my life.

Do you ever sit back and feel as though you are watching your life stream by? Do you ever feel as though the people around you are driving your decisions, dictating your next moves while you just float on by?

This is not how we should be living our lives.

We need to take charge.

Discover what drives you.

What do you want in life?

Do you want to go on the vacation of your dreams, start a new hobby, crush that fitness goal you never thought you could, make a career change, go back to school?

It doesn’t matter what it is, what matters is that you go after it.

Roald Dahl said, “If you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it full speed. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good.”

We are all passionate about something. That something can be life altering, or it can be subtle, but it is something.

Once you discover what you are passionate about, set a plan, create action statements to get after it, and go for it. Don’t let anyone stop you. Anyone stopping you from accomplishing goals are not people you need in your life.

I discovered this past year that anything is possible. Not everything is easy, in fact most things that are really worth it are not easy. But, anything is possible if you are willing to work for it and willing to take risks.

If you are truly passionate about something, nothing will be able to stop you from getting it.

Find the people that will support you, guide you and inspire you to go after those “impossible” dreams that are so unbelievably possible.

Never settle. If that needs to be your first list of actions, then make it that!

Do not settle out of fear. Do not settle because someone said you can’t. Do not settle because it will be hard. NEVER, EVER SETTLE.

If you do, you will regret missing out on all the opportunities available to you, and you will miss out on many weeks, months possibly years of true happiness.

Always remember that going after your dreams is worth it, because you are worth living the life you desire. The first step to accomplishing this is you.

So go out there, make changes, take risks, meet new people, discover and accomplish.

Together we will live the life we always dreamed of and we will take it one step at a time.

Much love, XOXO

The World is Gray

The world is most definitely not black and white. But, is it really gray? Or is it full of colour. Maybe violet, blue, orange, pink, whatever colour  you want it to be.

We create our own universe. We paint a sky from our emotions, energy and the attitude we display.

The way we feel, the way we treat people and how we express ourselves. That is really the colour we paint our world.

Time and time again, I express to people that the world is not black and white. There is not always a right and a wrong. Yes, murder, theft, and deceit are all “wrong” but, that is not what I am talking about.

I am talking about morals, beliefs, actions, feelings. Those are not black and white and there are most definitely not right and wrong answers to these.

We are all different. Each of these have a unique meaning to everyone. No one can dictate these.

Yes we are influenced, but our feelings deep down in our gut, in our hearts – that is developed from a young age until we are old, wrinkly and grey!

This all leads to why the the next statement is so important.

Are you ready? It’s so simple, yet so forgotten.

Be YOU!!!

If I can instill anything on you, it has to be that.

Make decisions that you feel good about!

Make choices that define who you are.

Do not let others tell you what these must be. Because I have a big secret to share with you, a secret that we are all aware of but we do not act on. If we cannot be our best selves, make choices that push us further, make sacrifices that make us better people, and take action to be happy, we cannot inspire, demonstrate love or help others be their best selves!

If we can channel all this. Find what makes us happy and push forward to be the amazing individuals we are, then we can help those around us be their best selves.

So how I do I be my best self?

I eat healthy 6 out of 7 days a week, I work out at least 6 out of 7 days a week. But I do enjoy a glass of wine on a Friday or Saturday night. I do allow myself to pause my workouts and then press start again. But I don’t allow myself to give up.

I utilize methods of personal development to feed my mind. Books, quotes, interactions with new people and “me” time.

I give my body AND mind what it needs to be the best I can be.

With this, I encourage others to be their best selves. Not because I think I know best, but because I believe in each and every person I encounter.

We are all capable of being AMAZING and no one should have to tell you that, but with the way society is, I know that someone needs to. So I am that someone.

All I want is for you to accomplish your dreams, the goals you think are impossible.  I want to help you along the way, but I also want you to help me.

Because the world isn’t black and white, but it also isn’t gray.

The world is all kinds of colours.

We all make up this wonderful world around us and contribute to the many aspects of it. So shine what ever colour makes you, you.

Make the choices that push you ahead, not because you want to be better than someone else but because you want to be proud of who you are!

We are all here to rock it, so let’s cheer for each other when we’re up, but also when we’re down.

Remember, never forget you are awesome because whether you are purple, yellow, red, gold, whatever colour you believe you are, whatever colour you choose to be, you are amazing and no one can take that away from you!

XOXO,

Your personal cheerleader

Nothing Great Comes Easy

 

Such simple words that I am sure we have all seen more than a handful of times with the new year only passing days ago. But these words are so unbelievably true.

Trust me I believe in luck. I am Irish after all. But luck only influences certain things. Winning a game of blackjack. Winning $10 off a Lotto ticket. Etc, etc, etc.

But the big things in life, they rarely depend on luck. Moving up in your career. Acing a test or project. Surpassing a fitness goal. Being successful in all those, amongst many other things all stem from working hard, and taking risks and opportunities.

I can tell you, just from my own experience, you will fail sometimes. In fact, you will likely fail many times for the things worth working for. Maybe the first time you completely fail and everything goes wrong. You then evaluate the process and outcomes, determine where you can improve. The next try you may not completely fail but you don’t get all the results you wanted, so you evaluate and try again. You do this over and over until you are successful. 

This is how you become the best at something. This is how you work towards becoming an expert at pretty much anything. It could be cooking, work, school, a sport. Whatever it is, it all takes time.

To become great you must have determination, commitment and persistence. You must be willing to put in the time, to not get down from failed attempts but to find determination from those attempts to be better next time and to work harder!

I want you all to realize your potential. To work past those challenges and work towards being the amazing individuals you are.

We are all capable of greatness. We just need to believe in ourselves and find what we are passionate enough about to work towards the goal, conquer the challenges, and take advantage of the amazing opportunities presented to us.

Also remember to surround yourself with the people that support your goals, motivate you and push you to be better.

Don’t surround yourself with people that want to see you fail, because they are just jealous of how amazing you are. Jealous that you have the ability to get back up after you fall, to take a failed attempt and see it as an opportunity to determine how to do better next time.

If you take anything away from this, then remember to always surround yourself with the people that cheer for you when you are kicking ass, and push you to get back up when you’re ready to quit.

It has taken me a long time to realize this, to understand that just because I am not the best at something now (maybe I’ll never be the “best”) that doesn’t mean that with hard work and dedication that I won’t someday become the best at it, or the best I can be at the very least. I just need to believe in myself and surround myself with people that too believe in me and push me towards greatness. Because I WILL GET THERE! I believe I will.

Believe in yourself, because I believe in you and I don’t even know you.

Remember if you use your intelligence, your talents, take advantage of opportunities and work as hard as you can. You’re not lucky. You ARE badass, and no one can take that away from you.

With love,

Just a fellow badass

xoxo