to trust or not to trust..

I was thinking about trust today. I am not even sure what got me thinking about it, it just kind of popped in my mind.

I was thinking about the whole concept of “trust is earned”. I do believe that certain levels of trust must be earned. For instance I am not going to share every little deep dark secret I hold with a complete stranger. But I think trust in it’s most general form does not necessarily need to be earned.

Waiting for trust to be earned may destroy new relationships, it may cause you to push some pretty wonderful people away.

Trust me, I am not one to easily trust, one may say I have “trust issues”. But this all stems from me constantly questioning myself, which I am doing much less of. With questioning myself less, and trusting myself more, I find that I am more open to trusting those around me.

Which leads me to this.. 

I think we need to trust ourselves first before we can trust others.

I believe in gut feelings, in instinctual feelings, in trusting our own judgements. 

If you have reason to question if you should trust someone then maybe they do not even deserve trust that can be later earned. 

You should be able to trust a person right from the start and in order to do so you need to trust your instincts to whether or not the person deserves that.

As humans, we are going to make mistakes, we are going to be blinded by new love, new promises and beauty, but deep down inside we know if something is telling us to turn around and run away.

Listen to yourself, listen to the doubts, listen to the hopefulness. Until you can trust what your inner self is telling you, how can you truly trust anyone else?

Trusting ourselves might be the most difficult. We are so scared of making mistakes, making the wrong decisions and letting in the wrong people. In order to trust yourself, you must accept that you will make mistakes sometimes, you will not always make the right decision and you will let people in that you never should have. But, this is all a part of life. Life is a learning process. We become stronger and better people because of all these things. 

To bring us back to the beginning, to trust or not to trust? I think this answer lies within our trust of ourselves and in our instincts. 

If your gut is telling you to trust someone, then by all means let them in and see where that takes you. Because although some levels of trust must be earned, all relationships must start with the basics of trust. 

Xoxo, 

To trusting myself. 

a new me

I was sitting quietly on the couch this morning. Just on my own, reading and listening to music.

Relaxing.

Needing nothing except my tea, a good book and some quiet acoustic covers playing in the background.

In doing this I began to think, REALLY THINK about the difference in the person I am from a year ago.

A year ago, I would have needed technology going, my next plans in motion, maybe a little chaos. But today I didn’t really need anything. I just needed me.

This is HUGE progress for me. To know that I have found the independence I deeply needed is so empowering.

Don’t get me wrong I like to keep busy, I like having a million and one things to do. I enjoy spending time with people. I enjoy having goals and plans to reach those goals. But I realized today, all I need to obtain those things is myself. I can do all of these things on my own time. The timelines and goals, and plans are all set because of ME. Because I choose to set them.

A year ago I relied on others to guide me, set goals, tell me where I was headed next. Knowing now that I am the one making all these decisions, that I rely on NO ONE to make those choices for me is so revitalizing and I am so PROUD of the direction I am headed, and where I came from.

Having the ability to be calm and relaxed in taking a day to sit back and enjoy the “little things” without worrying about what anyone else thinks I should be doing, without worrying about what I “should” be doing is an amazing feeling.

I’ve never before realized the importance of taking care of ourselves. I’ve never realized that it is so important to be selfish sometimes and create a better you, focus on your physical and mental health. It is important to put YOURSELF first sometimes. That doesn’t mean you stop caring about others, or that you stop making sacrifices (within reason) for the people you care about. But it does mean that you consider yourself sometimes.

Realize that you cannot be happy if you are always sacrificing what is important to you to satisfy those around you. In the end if you are not happy, you cannot give your all for the people you love. If those people love you, they will want to see you making choices that will allow you to live the happiest and fullest life possible.

Ask yourself this, would you want someone else to sacrifice their happiness for you? Would that make you happy? Of course it wouldn’t. So do you really think they want your happiness compromised?

You are important, never forget this.

I am so grateful to be in a place that I am happy and comfortable to sit by myself, with my own thoughts, on my own time to just focus on me. I am so grateful to have grown to a point in my life that I am content in doing this and that I really don’t need anything else in this moment. Only a yummy cup of tea. A good book. And maybe a cozy blanket.

I hope you all find peace in enjoying some relaxing moments, ON YOUR OWN this wintery Saturday, because we all deserve a few moments to ourselves.

XOXO,

a new me.

Don’t Stop.

Over the past couple weeks I’ve been struggling with what to write. But then I realized I should write about something that I feel passionate about and have been dealing with personally because that will be the most meaningful.

When ever you make a change in your life people will either follow you, disregard it, or judge you. It’s really that simple. I struggled in the beginning of my journey with the judgement, not so much because I cared what they thought, but because I am an awful over-thinker and would question the choices I was making.

Eventually I realized it doesn’t matter what they think. I am making choices that both make me happy and are for my best benefit, so if they do not agree with my choices then who cares, they are MY choices NOT their choices.

I also had to come to terms that often judgement and ridicule come from jealousy. Not necessarily jealousy of me, trust me I’m not conceited enough to think that, but jealousy that I am taking charge of my life and making the choices that make me happy which is not an easy thing for anyone to do.

Knowing this, it is easier to ignore. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt sometimes when I am being judged or treated differently simply because I am trying to be the best me and be the best to EVERYONE around me. But it does mean that I stand tall and I don’t let those people change the way I treat others or change the way I live my life.

Which brings me to a quote I recently came across that resonated deep within me  “If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint’, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” – Vincent van Gogh

As much as I hate to admit, or even acknowledge, there will be people you encounter in your life that will simply tell you, you cannot do something because they do not want to see you succeed. This makes me so sad, because we should always be happy for the success of others. Not only does it make you feel better inside, but it makes those around you feel good as well. And I don’t know about you, but for me, seeing others happy makes me so very happy in return and fills my heart with an immense amount of warmth.

I have recently encountered a few times where this has affected me over the past little while, I am human. There are days I cannot look past it. But, I am letting the negative vibes and words of others affect me less and less with each day, which is a huge step and a step we should all be taking.

So I want to leave you all with these words, DON’T STOP! Simple right? But there is a lot of meaning there. It is easy to stop working hard when others are discouraging you and getting you down. But why would you want to overcome anything easy? All the greatest accomplishments are from hard work, determination and persistence. Not only that but after you have put forth those efforts, the results are worth so much more.

So let the haters hate, and the negative Nancy’s judge you, because they will always be out there. There are tons of  other people that are motivational, inspirational and supportive to help you ignore the negative ones, so remember those people during discouraging times.

I will always support those trying to be their best selves, especially those that support others. So if nothing else, you have me standing behind you cheering you on and encouraging you through every challenge and dream you wish to conquer.

So again, DON’T STOP, push forward and live the life you both want and deserve.

XOXO,

always supportive.

 

support

the strength behind you

I was recently inspired by a few individuals that opened my mind to what is truly important in life.

Belief in yourself. Have confidence in who you are. Channel the ability to see your strength, and growth.

This not only inspired me to be more confident in myself and proud of who I am, but also how important it is to surround yourself with those who lift you up.

Surround yourself with the people who are proud of you, the people that believe in you, and the people that show you all that you are capable of.

It is sometimes hard to see the greatness in ourselves. We are often our own worse critics. Surrounding ourselves with people who show us our strengths, helps us to see our weaknesses and guide us in becoming the best we can. It can be the difference in how successful we become. It can be the difference in our happiness within.

It may seem trivial, but the people we let in and those we keep out can really change our lives.

I let a few people in recently that I never even thought to. I am sure they do not realize the impact they have made in my life since doing so. The influence they made, and the changes I have made personally in just a few short weeks is all because of one late night and a night without boundaries in discussions.

Take this for what it is – a simple, short post, but meaningful. 

Keep your heart open to those around you. You never know who may influence you, impact your life or guide you to be your best self. 

There are so many beautiful people out there, willing to guide you and assist you through the challenges and speed bumps you hit along the way.
Let them in! Don’t make the same mistakes I did by avoiding people and closing my heart to so many beautiful souls.

We are here to guide and support each other. So while you are helping others, let them help you as well!

Remember strength comes from within, but having support along the way is an amazing and wonderful thing.

XOXO,

to new relationships surround-yourself

Strength. 

We are approaching 10 years of the day that changed my life.

The day that changed the way I look at life, the day that made me question the way I look at everything, the day that turned my life upside down.

I wouldn’t wish the pain I experienced that day on anyone.

But I also wouldn’t take that day away.

I know, contradictory. But the most painful day of my life has also made me who I am today and we have to embrace both the most amazing and most difficult times in order to discover and grow to be the individuals we are.

On May 1st, 2007 my grandmother passed away.

I remember every detail of this day.

From coming home from school and putting on Dr. Phil, the smell of bacon and breakfast sausages cooking for dinner that night, to the sound of the car door closing before one of the most traumatic moments of my life.

I remember hearing the car door close, waking me and my first thought being to wake up Nanny now that Grandad was home.

I remember looking at her and just knowing. Yet I still shook her for a few seconds before running to the phone to dial 911.

The craziest part is that I remember all these little details. The sounds. The feeling in my chest. Looking at my Nanny. But all I remember of the phone call was telling the operator that we needed an ambulance here right now. Then I remember going to the basement and crying and then it’s all kind of a blur.

I went to school the next day. I didn’t tell anyone about what happened, I just went on with the day. That was easier then dealing with the pain of knowing I would never talk to her again. We would never laugh together again. We would never talk about the life that was ahead of me. She was just gone. One minute we were laying around watching Dr. Phil and the next she was gone forever.

That is such a difficult thought to process.

More than that, I can’t help but feel as though I am to blame for this all. What if I just hadn’t fallen asleep on the couch? What if I had of been alert and noticed she lost consciousness? Would it have made a difference?

Everyone says it wouldn’t have. But we really will never know.

Everyone tells me how lucky I was to spend the last moments of her life with her. But I don’t feel lucky. I feel responsible. I feel as though it is because of me that she is not with us today.

I don’t know if this feeling will ever go away. I don’t know if I will ever forgive myself.

But what I do know is that this moment has made me who I am today.

While I sometimes make mistakes, question my worth in this world, I am grateful to be here. I recognize how strong I am for continuing on despite the constant pain I feel from that day, despite the fact that I constantly question if I deserve the happiness in my life.

Because I have pushed myself to get past that day, I have found the strength to push forward, I know that I have taken this moment and made the best out of it that I can.

Will I ever forgive myself? Probably not. But will I get stronger every day trying to? ABSOLUTELY.

That’s really what these difficult experiences are about. Moving forward, gaining strength and trying to be the best me despite the challenges and difficulties I may face.

This post wasn’t easy but it was necessary. It is so hard for me to speak of that day. But it is something that I need to do. I have never really expressed how I feel of this day  or truly dealt with the emotions of what happened almost 10 years ago. But slowly I will and hopefully it will help me come to terms with that daunting day.

XOXO,

Slightly Damaged.

Damaged.JPG

 

Always be you.

Recently I have become addicted to personal development. A piece that was missing from my life.

In watching a video tonight for my personal development I was inspired by this thought, “Always be you.” the video was in no way about being you, it was about mentoring but it brought me to this.

I watched Josh Coats video Intentional Mentoring. It focused on intentionally going out there and mentoring people, to be purposeful with your mentoring.

This really had me thinking beyond this.

Recently (just over a week ago), I decided to jump in and start my part-time journey as a Beachbody coach. This was scary for me because I now need to really put myself out there and with this there will be judgment. In fact in this short amount of time I can see and feel the judgment.

Guess what? That is okay. I do not need you to be okay with what I am doing. I do not need your acceptance.

The only thing that is important to me is helping and inspiring people to accomplish their goals, to help others on their journeys. I believe they too will help me become a better person.

This is where the video came into play for me.

Mentoring is such an important part of life.

I intentionally mentor professionally, so now I want to intentionally mentor personally. I want to find people that I can lead to bigger and better things. People I can guide mentally, emotionally, and throughout their journeys to be healthier.

With mentoring I want to show people to always be you. I want to show people that no matter what judgments they may face, what challenges are presented, there will always be people that accept who you are and cheer for your accomplishments.

In order to be truly happy, you must never compromise who you are! There are thousands of people out there that will love you for exactly who you are, so stop stressing about the few that don’t.

You were born into this world as the amazing individual you are. You were meant to be you, that was intentional. Do not compromise your beliefs, everything you love and your dreams for anyone.

I may not always believe in the same things as another person, we may not have the same interests and our dreams may differ, but I will not judge you. I will always support those that are doing all they can to be themselves.

Together we need to be proud of those working hard to be their own person, those who are not conforming to the norm because it’s easy. So let’s make a pact to intentionally mentor each other. To intentionally guide and support each other to “Always Be You”.

XOXO,

Always me

Why Not?

If you tell me no one has ever said “Why Not?” to you I won’t believe you.

Do you have dreams, goals, ambitions?

I am sure you do. Maybe you don’t currently have any goals. But, I know you have dreams, we all do.

Those thoughts that come up when you are sitting at your desk on a gloomy winter day, you haven’t seen the sun in days, when you’re feeling worn and dreary, those are your dreams.

Take those dreams and turn them into goals. Because, why not?

why-not

I can almost bet that one of the reasons you are yet to go after your goals is because of fear. It is okay to be scared. It is okay to be terrified to take that first leap. But it is not okay to not go after your goals because of fear.

You need to channel that fear and turn it into motivation. Push yourself past your limits. You are worth pushing past your limits, because you deserve the utmost best out of life.

Fear can take over your life. But do you know what is scarier then taking the risks, leaps and bounds it takes to accomplish everything you want out of life? Whats scarier is to live in the shadows and miss out on possibly the best, most amazing experiences available to you.

So again, I ask you Why Not?

Why not travel across the world with only a backpack? Why not take an exciting course on a subject just because? Why not invest in a new endeavor? Why not do everything you always dreamed of?

There is really no good reason for this.

Do not use the excuse of money, or time. If you really want something you will find a way to get it. If it is important to you, you will find the time, you will budget the money, you will make it work.

Now what’s even more important to ask yourself is, “Is it important?”

If it is really important to you, you will get past those “why not’s” and you will jump in. I know you will. Because you are capable of amazing things.

Together lets take the leaps, jump into the unknown and go after our dreams.

Because our lives are precious, and they are worth living to the fullest. Never stop living life to the fullest. Do not regret one second of the life you live, you only get one chance.

XOXO,

To being fearless.

Embrace your life.

Over the past year I hit many speed bumps, there were accomplishments, failures, major changes and big decisions. The year was emotional, unpredictable and made me realize I needed to take charge of my life.

After I came to this realization, my mindset completely changed. I decided to make changes, take risks and go after the things I wanted in my life.

Do you ever sit back and feel as though you are watching your life stream by? Do you ever feel as though the people around you are driving your decisions, dictating your next moves while you just float on by?

This is not how we should be living our lives.

We need to take charge.

Discover what drives you.

What do you want in life?

Do you want to go on the vacation of your dreams, start a new hobby, crush that fitness goal you never thought you could, make a career change, go back to school?

It doesn’t matter what it is, what matters is that you go after it.

Roald Dahl said, “If you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it full speed. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good.”

We are all passionate about something. That something can be life altering, or it can be subtle, but it is something.

Once you discover what you are passionate about, set a plan, create action statements to get after it, and go for it. Don’t let anyone stop you. Anyone stopping you from accomplishing goals are not people you need in your life.

I discovered this past year that anything is possible. Not everything is easy, in fact most things that are really worth it are not easy. But, anything is possible if you are willing to work for it and willing to take risks.

If you are truly passionate about something, nothing will be able to stop you from getting it.

Find the people that will support you, guide you and inspire you to go after those “impossible” dreams that are so unbelievably possible.

Never settle. If that needs to be your first list of actions, then make it that!

Do not settle out of fear. Do not settle because someone said you can’t. Do not settle because it will be hard. NEVER, EVER SETTLE.

If you do, you will regret missing out on all the opportunities available to you, and you will miss out on many weeks, months possibly years of true happiness.

Always remember that going after your dreams is worth it, because you are worth living the life you desire. The first step to accomplishing this is you.

So go out there, make changes, take risks, meet new people, discover and accomplish.

Together we will live the life we always dreamed of and we will take it one step at a time.

Much love, XOXOscares

The World is Gray

grey

The world is most definitely not black and white. But, is it really gray? Or is it full of colour. Maybe violet, blue, orange, pink, whatever colour  you want it to be.

We create our own universe. We paint a sky from our emotions, energy and the attitude we display.

The way we feel, the way we treat people and how we express ourselves. That is really the colour we paint our world.

Time and time again, I express to people that the world is not black and white. There is not always a right and a wrong. Yes, murder, theft, and deceit are all “wrong” but, that is not what I am talking about.

I am talking about morals, beliefs, actions, feelings. Those are not black and white and there are most definitely not right and wrong answers to these.

We are all different. Each of these have a unique meaning to everyone. No one can dictate these.

Yes we are influenced, but our feelings deep down in our gut, in our hearts – that is developed from a young age until we are old, wrinkly and grey!

This all leads to why the the next statement is so important.

Are you ready? It’s so simple, yet so forgotten.

Be YOU!!!

If I can instill anything on you, it has to be that.

Make decisions that you feel good about!

Make choices that define who you are.

Do not let others tell you what these must be. Because I have a big secret to share with you, a secret that we are all aware of but we do not act on. If we cannot be our best selves, make choices that push us further, make sacrifices that make us better people, and take action to be happy, we cannot inspire, demonstrate love or help others be their best selves!

If we can channel all this. Find what makes us happy and push forward to be the amazing individuals we are, then we can help those around us be their best selves.

So how I do be my best self?

I eat healthy 6 out of 7 days a week, I work out at least 6 out of 7 days a week. But I do enjoy a glass of wine on a Friday or Saturday night. I do allow myself to pause my workouts and then press start again. But I don’t allow myself to give up.

I utilize methods of personal development to feed my mind. Books, quotes, interactions with new people and “me” time.

I give my body AND mind what it needs to be the best I can be.

With this, I encourage others to be their best selves. Not because I think I know best, but because I believe in each and every person I encounter.

We are all capable of being AMAZING and no one should have to tell you that, but with the way society is, I know that someone needs to. So I am that someone.

All I want is for you to accomplish your dreams, the goals you think are impossible.  I want to help you along the way, but I also want you to help me.

Because the world isn’t black and white, but it also isn’t gray.

The world is all kinds of colours.

We all make up this wonderful world around us and contribute to the many aspects of it. So shine what ever colour makes you, you.

Make the choices that push you ahead, not because you want to be better than someone else but because you want to be proud of who you are!

We are all here to rock it, so let’s cheer for each other when we’re up, but also when we’re down.

Remember, never forget you are awesome because whether you are purple, yellow, red, gold, whatever colour you believe you are, whatever colour you choose to be, you are amazing and no one can take that away from you!

XOXO,

Your personal cheerleader

Nothing Great Comes Easy

 

Such simple words that I am sure we have all seen more than a handful of times with the new year only passing days ago. But these words are so unbelievably true.

Trust me I believe in luck. I am Irish after all. But luck only influences certain things. Winning a game of blackjack. Winning $10 off a Lotto ticket. Etc, etc, etc.

But the big things in life, they rarely depend on luck. Moving up in your career. Acing a test or project. Surpassing a fitness goal. Being successful in all those, amongst many other things all stem from working hard, and taking risks and opportunities.

I can tell you, just from my own experience, you will fail sometimes. In fact, you will likely fail many times for the things worth working for. Maybe the first time you completely fail and everything goes wrong. You then evaluate the process and outcomes, determine where you can improve. The next try you may not completely fail but you don’t get all the results you wanted, so you evaluate and try again. You do this over and over until you are successful. kick ass.jpg

This is how you become the best at something. This is how you work towards becoming an expert at pretty much anything. It could be cooking, work, school, a sport. Whatever it is, it all takes time.

To become great you must have determination, commitment and persistence. You must be willing to put in the time, to not get down from failed attempts but to find determination from those attempts to be better next time and to work harder!

I want you all to realize your potential. To work past those challenges and work towards being the amazing individuals you are.

We are all capable of greatness. We just need to believe in ourselves and find what we are passionate enough about to work towards the goal, conquer the challenges, and take advantage of the amazing opportunities presented to us.

Also remember to surround yourself with the people that support your goals, motivate you and push you to be better.

Don’t surround yourself with people that want to see you fail, because they are just jealous of how amazing you are. Jealous that you have the ability to get back up after you fall, to take a failed attempt and see it as an opportunity to determine how to do better next time.

If you take anything away from this, then remember to always surround yourself with the people that cheer for you when you are kicking ass, and push you to get back up when you’re ready to quit.

It has taken me a long time to realize this, to understand that just because I am not the best at something now (maybe I’ll never be the “best”) that doesn’t mean that with hard work and dedication that I won’t someday become the best at it, or the best I can be at the very least. I just need to believe in myself and surround myself with people that too believe in me and push me towards greatness. Because I WILL GET THERE! I believe I will.

Believe in yourself, because I believe in you and I don’t even know you.

Remember if you use your intelligence, your talents, take advantage of opportunities and work as hard as you can. You’re not lucky. You ARE badass, and no one can take that away from you.

With love,

Just a fellow badass

xoxo

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